Living With My Parents is Pure Entertainment

I am currently in Chicago but thought I’d share this lovely tidbit with you all from my drafts folder.

It was only a couple weeks ago that I wrote the first post about how crazy it’s been living with my parents. You can read that here. Now here’s part two. I didn’t think I’d have enough for two of these but apparently the entertainment my parents can provide is unlimited. I’m sure there will be a part three, even.

  • My father has a bad habit of falling asleep in his favorite chair in the living room, while watching TV. Especially if he’s under a blanket. At 8pm. And regardless of how tired he is, my mother will beat him with a magazine until he wakes up and takes away his blanket. Ah, love.
  • My mother will get angry over the silliest things. Like how I’m not friends with her on Facebook. Doesn’t matter that she’s not actually on Facebook. It’s the worst offense I could possibly commit, not being friends with her online. It’s not like I don’t see her EVERY DAY.
  • My dad is remodeling the bathroom. At random times he’ll either start talking to himself or will start singing songs about tiling to the tune of some christmas carol. It’s official. We’re related.
  • My mom has this bad habit of waving out matches after she’s done lighting candles. She learned her lesson the other night when the lit match head when flying and her bedspread went up in a burst of flames. Luckily it put itself out pretty quickly but not before everyone started screaming bloody murder.
  • My dad dropped a beam on my head and nearly knocked me unconscious (everything went black for a hot second). After he finished laughing hysterically, he asked if I was ok. I then ran into the door frame, the banister and it was decided I should sit down. I’m pretty sure he gave me a concussion. And a mild case of whiplash.
  • I’ve noticed a trend with my family and books. If we’re reading a book we really like, we’ll often wander around and find someone to read a particular passage that we enjoyed. I thought I was the only one who did this (and it’s very rare that I do. Only when reading two particular authors–Augusten Burroughs and now Jonathan Safran Foer) but my brother, dad and mom all have been sighted doing the same thing.
  • My parents’ pets are so incredibly spoiled. My mom’s dog sleeps in his own  full-sized chair, the cats have ten million beds to choose from and remember the retarded cat? He sleeps with me usually in my small little bed. You wouldn’t think cats take up much space but this cat SPRAWLS. I found him on his back with one arm hanging off the bed the other day. Imagine trying to sleep with that AND have to deal with claws. His new thing lately has been the mirror in my room. It’ll be 3am and I’ll hear a soft scratching noise. I’ll look over and find him scratching at his own reflection in the mirror, over and over and over again. You may think ohhh that’s so adorable! But no.  IT’S ANNOYING.
  • You know those little shower caddies that hang over the shower head? My father had an epic battle against one the other day. I don’t know why, I don’t know how you can even have a battle, but it there was a lot of swearing involved. I believe my father referred to it as a motherfucking piece of shit. I had to shove my fist in my mouth to keep from bursting out laughing.
  • The one thing I’ve learned is how to drink by myself. I’ve gotten stellar at the glass or three of wine “at dinner”. My mother really introduced this concept to me but I think I’ve taken it to a whole other level. I have three open bottles of wine in the fridge that are solely mine. THREE. Alcoholic? I have potential.

Now I must go do Chicago things with the wonderful Jenn in CHICAGO. Have I mentioned I’ve never been to Chicago before? BECAUSE I HAVEN’T. I don’t know if Jenn is prepared for this kind of excitement.

16 Responses

  1. I could seriously NEVER live with my parents ever again. I would rather be a hobo on the street! I love my parents and we have a fantastic relationship…but living with them would totally undo all of that!!!

  2. You are strong, because I could never live with my parents again. I tried it right after college, and uh yeah. I’d live with the in-laws again (yes, I said again) before I live with my own parents.

  3. haha these are hilarious. I’m sure I’d have similar ones if I was at home again too… 🙂 nice!

  4. I think 3 open bottles of wine in the fridge is better than 3 empties under your bed. 😉

  5. I think every future boyfriend of yours needs to read this post before he comes home for a holiday with you. It will explain a lot and prepare him – so he knows not to take it personally when Dad knocks him out and Mother sets his bed on fire.

  6. Have fun with Jenn! I’m sure the two of you together would be an AWESOME night out. 🙂

    I still don’t really understand how your mum can get annoyed at you not befriending her on facebook if she’s not ON facebook though.

    Anyway, I breathe a sigh of relief that my mum isn’t that much into technology.

  7. I know it’s super frustrating to live with parents as adults but yours actually sound kind of cute. From a distance, of course.

  8. Pretty sure I could never live with my folks again. Visiting them and staying with them for a few days is enough for me!

  9. Take lots of pictures. Have an amazing hangout, and play me in Scrabble when you come back.

    My dad sleeps in the bathtub about twice a month.

    Just wanted to throw that in there.

  10. Cats take up a LOT of space. We had to get a bigger bed for that very reason.

  11. My Mom falls asleep in her lazy boy chair every night under a blanket without fail. Dad doesn’t beat her awake though (thankfully)!

  12. My dad falls asleep almost every night in his chair too. At 8pm. With the TV on. Loudly.

    This is a great post; I can definitely relate to a lot of this! I can’t say much about the pet sleeping on furniture thing because my dog does (always has, my own fault I’m sure), but it is hard when there are two dogs and they both sleep on the couch and there’s not much room for anyone else!

  13. Oh man, I live with my parents too and I could probably share similarly entertaining stories though your parents seem quite special lol. Hope you had fun in Chicago!

  14. Have a BLAST in Chicago! And, as someone who also currently lives with her parents I can very much relate to this list!

    My favorite on your list was:

    My dad is remodeling the bathroom. At random times he’ll either start talking to himself or will start singing songs about tiling to the tune of some christmas carol. It’s official. We’re related.

    That’s hilarious!

  15. Oh man…I moved back out of my parents’ house in September…my dad totally did the sleeping in the chair thing.

    And the cat scratching the mirror? My cat does that too! Totally annoying. My other cat has learned to push my mouse to turn on the “light” of my monitor and does it every morning at 6am. Also very annoying.

  16. And silly, crazy things are why I can’t move back in with my parents. I’d go mad! Ha.

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