I Think I Need to Leave the House More.

This song just…defines me right now. So just put it on and then read my post while listening. And realize it has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m writing about. It’s just my song of the moment.

* * *

So you know how sometimes you have days where you are just Cranky McCrankerson and you get snappy? You’re all headachey and moody and holy fuck did that person really just do that? And you decide you’re just going to join a convent because this whole dating thing isn’t going the way you want and then you remember you can’t have sex in a convent and scratch that idea IMMEDIATELY. And you conveniently forget things, like the fact that you are a GIRL and the crazies are really just part of the package of being a girl. Once you realize that though, everything gets better and you’re no longer AS stabby as you’ve been the past couple days. You still shouldn’t be allowed to talk to anyone, but the crazy has subsided enough for you to appear normal again.

It helps when your parents walk into the room you’re in, tell you they have something they need to talk about and you’re POSITIVE they’re going to try to convince you that you shouldn’t move to Colorado in three weeks–NO MAKE THAT TWO WEEKS–and you’re preparing yourself to wage war. Then they throw a car key at your head and you’re all WHAT THE EFF? And you go running to the window and it’s better than christmas and your birthday combined because there is a gorgeous new car sitting outside and your parents are saying something about how that’s YOUR car but you can’t really hear them because HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE A CAR!

And the world explodes and it’s all shiny sparkly light and you just want to HUG your car and take a million pictures with it. You drive around with the stereo blasting in your BRAND NEW CAR. It’s snowing outside and you don’t care because you have four wheel drive and wind shield wipers that work and brakes that brake and this is your car–YOURS–and everything is falling into place perfectly. You hug your parents and wish your grandmother was there to hug her because it was her gift to you and you’re just so excited because IT’S A CAR. And it’s so much more than you thought you’d ever get.

Of course headaches don’t go away just because you get a car, and stabbypants doesn’t leave either but for a minute you’re so happy you want to go high five strangers (and low five, even). Oh who are you kidding? It’s not just for a minute. You still want to.

Then you try figuring out how a website is built or something and your head explodes from not understanding it. And from the mess on the floor you try to explain to your boss how to do whatever it is you have to do and you’re both confused and you both end up laughing hysterically about how absolutely chinese it is. (No offense to the chinese, it’s just…I’d learn chinese faster than HTML. And I’m not good with languages.) Then you count yourself lucky that your old boss (current boss?) is effing fantastic and if you could combine her with your old coworkers and pajamas til 3pm you’d have the PERFECT job.

Then you start singing along at the top of your lungs to Rihanna’s Hard “I’ma rock this shit like fashion, as in goin’ til they say stop And my runway never looked so clear But the hottest bitch in heels right here No fear, and while you getting your cry on I’m getting my fly on Sincere, I see you aiming at my pedastal I betta let ya’ know” except you don’t really know the REAL lyrics and they come out sounding alittle weird. Then you look out the window and there’s your pretty new car and HOLY SHIT YOU ARE MOVING TO COLORADO.

Now you tell yourself you must go play Scrabble you can make up words like Edile and they’re actually RIGHT but you’re still losing horrifically (I need to find another playing partner than Peter. I’ve never won a game against him. Hmph.).

Then you realize this entire post is written in the third person mixed with first and you wonder who let the crazy out to play today.

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32 Responses

  1. First, any guy who tells you that the crazies are unisex is motherfuckin’ liar. That and a serious case of the Stupids. But that’s a seperate issue.

    This is how I was when I was about to move to Chapel Hill, when I first opened my apartment door to move in I wanted to take pictures of everything (except I have no camera which made for a sad Kendall) because it meant I was no longer living in Hell at home.

    I’ve been trying to decipher HTML since I came back from hiatus in October and I’m no farther along now than I was then. I’m starting to think I’m not meant to have a nice blog.

    But good luck on your move ma’am. Going to a new city is always a bit exciting.

  2. coloraddddooooooo!!!!!

  3. And that should be: “any guy who tells you the crazies *aren’t* unisex…”

    Let this be a lesson to me to pay closer to what I type.

  4. Oh hai roomie. AHHHHH!

  5. Nothing quite like free-flow blogging, eh? Loved this. ❤

  6. i absolutely love that you posted this song. amazing.

  7. I’m glad we’ve become Scrabble friends!

    First off, yes I hate boys…and yes, I understand that the frustration comes with being a girl. Hpmh. No fair.

    YAY FOR NEW CARS. It’s like my dream for my parents to give me keys and for a car to be outside. Literally, I’ve dreamed about it since I turned 16!

  8. I still don’t know what edile means.

    And, yes, I know it’s my turn.

  9. guess what? well, a couple things. one, it took me exactly the time of this song to read this post, which was cool.
    also? my stabby was out in FULL FORCE yesterday, and it’s still not totally gone. fucking hormones.

  10. Sigh.
    My mom made me hash brownies and bought me a waterbed.

  11. I don’t care how old I get, there will be times when only a hug helps. And a car.

  12. you are allowed to freak out for WEEKS over a new car!!

  13. I totally feel you on this one. I just moved to Indiana from Michigan. Not as hard as way out to Colorado, but far enough to understand.

  14. Ah, so true. I was just having one of those days yesterday! I went from super grumpy to really frustrated and irritated to being in a fantastic mood within a couple of hours. All women experience those hormones to some extent, but my biggest pet peeve is that people still feel the need to ask if a woman is pregnant if she’s being emotional.

  15. i have those moments, and i KNOW i’m having those moments and want to stop myself but can’t.
    ugh.

    this song? was in Never Been Kissed! I adored that movie for forever. Mmm…Michael Vartan.

  16. And you decide you’re just going to join a convent because this whole dating thing isn’t going the way you want and then you remember you can’t have sex in a convent and scratch that idea IMMEDIATELY

    * * *

    hahaha! ❤ you. and html as chinese! hadn't thought of it that way but so true..! more like css and php as chinese for me though. ughghhh

  17. What a great post! A car! Awesome!! 🙂
    I’m a crankypants right now. But there’s some good stuff in the works.
    So excited for you with your Colorado plans.

  18. This is hilarious. You pretty much summed up the way I feel when I get “the crazies” every month… about 3 days before my period. I’m 26 – been having my period since 14… in 12 years I still have yet to put 2 and 2 together to figure out why I am being so bitchy. I only realize it in retrospect – “Ohhhh THAT’S why I yelled at my boyfriend for trying to give me a foot massage.” Heh. You know what helps put me in perspective? Watching the show, “Bridezillas.” Watching grown women act like childish demon spawn somehow makes me not feel so bad about my own immature and bitchy behavior. Is it really so bad that all I want is a brownie and I want it NOW NOW NOW!!!!!!? And don’t come back in here until you have a brownie.

  19. Btw – freestyle blogging? Nice. I’ve been calling it “Scattered Thoughts” on my blog, but I was never fully satisfied with calling it that, I always knew there was a better term for it – I just didn’t know what it was. You nailed it.

  20. Okay, I am new to reading your blog, but I laughed THE WHOLE way through this post, because I can totally relate to you.

  21. this cracked me up:

    “Then you count yourself lucky that your old boss (current boss?) is effing fantastic and if you could combine her with your old coworkers and pajamas til 3pm you’d have the PERFECT job.”

    ahahahahahahahhahaahhahahaha

  22. LOVE THIS!

    COLORADO!!!!

  23. YAY! A new car! How exciting. And I know exactly what you mean about the grumpiness. Definitely a part of being female.

  24. Um, can I trade my parents in for yours? Ha. I could certainly use a new car.

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