Curiosity Will Kill This Cat

So my parents had four cats right? They all have different forms of neurosis: one hunts, one thinks she can attack dogs, one ate itself to death (i’m not joking. TO DEATH), and one…well…I hate to say this. But he’s retarded. In the “got sick when he was a kitten” kind of retarded that morphed into Oh don’t mind him, he’s just our cute, adorable, slow cat.

Sad, really.

You know how you have to hold out your hand to a strange cat so they can sniff you to trust you? You have to do this EVERY time with him, he has no idea who any of us are after about 30 seconds.

He has curiosity like none other though and is constantly finding himself in sticky situations. Like the first day we got him home from the shelter and he climbed the beams in the barn. AND I HAD TO RESCUE HIM. Silly little cat has no balance whatsoever and almost plummeted to death. He’s gotten stuck in numerous garages that don’t even belong to us and I have received several calls from the parents telling me that Roger has been missing for days and they think that this time he’s really not coming back.

He emerges every time. Dusty, yes. Confused, you betcha. Alive, somehow.

He can be humorous: he likes to imitate our killer cat, Daisy–in fact I’m pretty sure he has a full blown cat crush on her. He will take animals she’s killed and play with them. While not that humorous, it is when you consider he has NO IDEA what he’s doing. He just thinks its fun. Once, we caught him with a wing sticking out of his mouth.

We all were shocked–HE CAUGHT SOMETHING! We of course yelled at him to drop it and he opened his mouth, and a bird flew away. Sure he caught it, he just….didn’t kill it. Key components to hunting, Roger. KEY. COMPONENTS.

But eventually his curiosity is going to kill him (luckily not in the way Lily, our cat-dog almost got herself killed. She attacked a dog. Not just any dog, but a GIANT SCHNAUZER. Do you know how big those are? Yeah, Lily, not your brightest hour). Or he will outlive all of us. Somehow.

He really is the sweetest cat though, very loving and likes to hold hands (i’m not joking, if he’s lying on the couch with you, he has to put his paw on your hand. Its adorable) and will cuddle with you. Up until the point when he forgets who you are.

And now, I sound like an old, spinster cat lady. Maybe I am?

Can you see the confusion?

11 Responses

  1. Too funny! I love how all animals have their own personalities and, uh, confusion. We once had a dog who liked to catch birds. He would bat them out of the air. He never killed them, though. They were more like a game to him, too. So who knows?

    I’m sure I sound like a crazy dog lady whenever I write about my pup, so it’s OK!

  2. This is hilarious, and perfectly timed, since I just spent a week being a cat lady, cat sitting for my uncles cats….who are also quite unique. One you have to go a needle to every morning (insulin) but he’s other wise good natured. and the other one apparently has IBS triggered by the massive hairballs it gets (got sick three times in 8 days … remarkable). Which has only reaffirmed my belief that I only like other poeples cats… and would never own one myself.

  3. awww I love him. haha

  4. That is hilarious!

  5. I love other people’s cat stories! My dad and stepmom have a retarded cat, too. She showed up at their house several years ago. The vet thinks she was either tossed into traffic on the highway or attacked by a dog because she can’t hold her head straight–it’s permanently tilted. Add the way she walks around, like “where am I and WHAT IS HAPPENING” and it is so funny. She also has nasal polyps that cause her to snort and wheeze when she breathes. We can hear her whenever she’s approaching whatever room we’re in.

  6. we both know i’m more of a dog person, but this entry was hilarious. there’s something endearing about knowing this poor, clueless cat will somehow, and probably OUTLIVE all of us. innocence is bliss. 😉

  7. […] dog sleeps in his own  full-sized chair, the cats have ten million beds to choose from and remember the retarded cat? He sleeps with me usually in my small little bed. You wouldn’t think cats take up much space […]

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